Last time I wrote True Blogger Confessions I wrote about hidden confessions. My hidden confession at the time was that I did not floss on a regular basis, but I was trying to get into the habit. I wrote that on April 24, 2010. Today is June 18, 2010 and I was doing so well up until I went on vacation. I blame the boot. LOL! Even though I proclaimed that I was able to floss with the boot (hehe), I have had a major #fail while on vacation.
My second confession is that I am a major schedule freak. Yes, I said freak. You would think I was a child when it comes to how screwed up I get when I am “off schedule”. I like routine. I like predictability. I don’t like surprises. I am a planner, through & through. I come by this honestly. My sister is the same way, if not more regimented, as is my Dad.
These past 2 weeks have really messed with me. Not only am I in running “prison”, but I am away from my home and my day-to-day routine. I found a gym, The Fitness Studio, that I have gone to for all but the 2 days they were closed. Cindy (the owner) and all the people there were so nice to me. Being able to hit the gym every morning really helped my mental status. Not only was I able to hop on the recumbent bike daily, I was able to take 2 Power classes taught by Cindy, herself. The best $50 (for 2 weeks) I have ever spent. I am sure you have seen the “Mastercard – Priceless” commercials, right? That is what this was worth to me (and my family – trust me, they need me to be happy, not witchy with a capital “B”).
I have had a really hard time being away on this trip. I am not able to do “my thing”. I have suffered from an eating disorder in the past and those habits tend to come to the surface when I am under stress. Under normal circumstances I consider myself to have a very healthy relationship with food. Enter stress. Then I find myself reverting back to old habits. I see red flags raising all over the place. I am subconsciously doing things I haven’t done for years – counting calories, restricting foods, etc. What am I afraid of? I ask myself this question. What is the worst that is going to happen here? Why? Why is it necessary to seek comfort in denying myself the food that nourishes my body? I have “lost” my main outlet of stress -running and exercising as I know it. I am forced to either succumb or find a way to make it work. I struggle. I struggled for a couple of days. I will struggle with this for the rest of my life. This “disease” may be lying dormant deep within me for years, but it lies there waiting to resurface when I am least expecting it.
I have come out on top once again, for the time being. I have won another battle and I intend to win the war. I have an amazing support system in my husband, family & friends. I found a way to do what I need to do for exercise that makes me feel good. Believe it or not, I can get my heart rate up sufficiently on the recumbent bike without resistance. My new favorite motto is “Where there is a will, there is a way”. I pray that I can resume my “normal” routine in the next week and remove some of this stress. If not, I will form a new plan. I have to be proactive to keep myself healthy.
I have been given lemons, as a lot of people have. I refuse to let that keep me down. I will make lemonade until the cows come home. Being told to follow a gluten-free diet turned out to be one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I didn’t think that at the time, but I know it now. Doing so has give me a completely new outlook on life.